it's making me wait...

we have completed tech-ing the show, sound wise. we will probably finish with the lights when the sun goes down. wow. there are many many sound cues. it's been kinda grueling. what most folks say about tech, referring to it as 'hell week' or some such tag, i have rarely found this to be the experience myself. i kinda love tech rehearsals. things come together, get illuminated, and some real magic happens. this tech? i won't call it 'hell week'. that would not be fair nor accurate. but it has been grueling. a lot of hurrying up to wait for me. i work best outta struggle compounded with hard work. without the hard work, i have too much time on my hands and begin to doubt every single choice i've made for myself, and then when i've exhausted that route, i start in on choices that have been made outside of myself. stupid and very non-productive, but natural. in essence, i am creating a struggle for myself, because there is a fairly clear road ahead. to be wary of ease could very well be some kind of dis-ease. i don't know. but i have it. regardless. i am excited to be able to run, for myself and everyone here. because at this point, i still don't have a complete grasp on what this show is, from beginning to end. also natural, at this point. i have anticipation...

what is the method for my madness?

now we're cooking...but not as much as i thought...in tech, and it ain't so hot...the weather, that is...i was kinda looking forward to an afternoon in the sun. i should be careful for what i hope; i'm sure my wish will be granted eventually, and i'll be wondering what the heck i was ever thinking.
i'm still trying to figure all this out. the sense of space and location on the actual set is still ahead of me, and i'm not sure how far ahead of me it even is yet. i think a sense of it all is developing for me???
it has been awhile that at this part of the process, i've felt impatient. i usually dig tech--i am truly one of the weird ones. i love watching and experiencing it all coming together. i think my impatience is relative to really wanting to see how this whole story comes together...
...also, there is a fair amount of hurrying up to wait for we merry wives and the husbands that be. i love to work and work hard; it's so much harder to work up to a scene and then tra-la-la til the next one. the work with the puppets and sound infused now is so intricate, and requires a very special attention. but the puppets have no attitude and don't bark or bite, so i can't really get annoyed with them. i don't want to be annoyed anyway, and i don't know why i'm just using this blog as a grievance report.
what i'm seeking is inspiration...and i'm gas bagging hoping that something will hit me on the head. i'm lucky. i'm with some hugely talented and fun people, good people. and i get to act. and it's willie the shakes. it ain't verse, most of the play is in prose, and i sure like the verse. it's always such a glorious gift when verse is present. i'm wanting so much to break through the wall, as i seem to be piling the bricks myself. dopey, but true.
i think i'm acting and feeling ordinary in what is is an extraordinary experience.
a-ha! i think i've hit on something!! i am surrounded by these puppets, with people animating them with intelligence and abandon, so what's so special about me? the wife, i mean. (i think).
i want desperately to be a housewife of windsor, and live that life fully. omigod. i wanna be a desperate housewife. a-ha!! again. i have NEVER wanted to be a desperate housewife. i do work and create best out of struggle, and perhaps i'm having to work double overtime to find the struggle, because it's easy to be here, it's an honor, and sean is one of the most easy going directors i have ever known.
enuff---for now.
the muck of my brain that has spilled over, i thank you for the indulgence.

crash boom bang

first "stumble thru"
no, there is (generally) no actual tripping and falling involved...more of a stumble in the brain...what the heck is coming next...does one scene make sense into and from another...staying true to the text always helps...but that's what we experienced yesterday...sean talked about the proposition this production poses...what kind of artist do we want to be??? well...if i'm a lucky girl, that challenge is present in whatever show i do...after that, basically it's just a matter of doin it to it...buying in to the whole shabang, and having some fun, hopefully. i'll tell you what...i'm kinda getting puppet envy. but i'm just beginning to see the light now that we all need each other just the same...the fear at the start was...who the heck is going to be looking at the mere mortals when you got a, i don't know, ten foot puppet onstage with you???
ahh, another day at GEPPETTO'S WORLD PARTEEEEEEE ONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what the puppet?!?

two full weeks have been completed in rehearsal...quite a challenge. i feel like i'm still trying to figure out just the basic world of our windsor. okay; there are the wives and their husbands and the rest: PUPPETS!!!!! i must say, the puppeteers, as i not intentionally clump them into a 'group', are amazingly fun inventive warm VERY cool not to mention hugely talented folks and a lot of fun to be around. just the other day, delia (who's playing mistress ford) said to me that she was in the green room and thought, 'bummer, i never get to have a scene with _____' whoever it was that was in the green room at the time. and then she realized that we do have scenes with them; they are the one's making the puppet come to life.
ah, we simple actor folk, so spoiled with being able to interprit scripts with ordinary mortals. ( i guess some of those can be stiff too.) on one hand, there is the challenge of learning to live in our world of windsor, and on the other hand? i haven't even begun to imagine what it must be like to work a puppet, although it does seem more than kinda fun.
i gotta say, it's such a talented group. we're lucky people on this one. it could potentially be horrific. lots of super smart people on board. not afraid to pitch in on the creative process of it all. healthy healthy egos, which i always appreciate. no one seems to be trippin' at least. i just gotta put me nose to the grindstone, and work. it took me a bit longer to get on board, buy into it, i guess. me? playing with puppets? in a comedy? everything that might make the cheerful person maybe even downright happy. me? i'm weird, what can i say. got me kinda grumpy and a whole lotta insecure. funny does not come naturally to me, in my opinion. i think mr daniel's mighta held another opinion, hence me showing up for rehearsals, eh?
okay, now that i got the niceties outta the way, i'm gonna try to make this bloggy thing a part of my routine. believe me, you didn't want to read anything i had to say up to just a couple of days ago. i was challenged beyond happy, inverted to a kinda weird that just ain't attractive at all...
day off today...for some...aaaahhhhh...